On the first Saturday in October an early morning frost settled on the finely manicured Southeast Texas suburban lawns. The crisp morning air signaled the beginning of autumn, as did the brightly colored leaves that had begun to fall overnight. Today marked Amanda’s tenth birthday, so she woke up eager to celebrate and excited to be alive.
Later that afternoon her dad, Teddy, pulled her aside as she finished raking the grass clippings from where he’d mown the lawn.
He hugged her and said, “Go inside and wash up. Your mother and I want to give you your gift.”
Amanda ran inside and rushed upstairs to shower. When she finished, she felt invigorated and refreshed. She dressed quickly and hurried downstairs to meet her father who had also just finished showering. He smelled like cool Aqua Velva after shave.
“Come on, little one,” said Teddy. “You ready for cake and ice cream?”
Amanda squealed with delight.
“Yessir! I sure am.”
She blew out all ten candles in one breath, wishing that she’d live to be 101 years old, and still be able to blow out all her candles. She gasped as she opened the gift from her parents. Thrilled, she picked up her new rod and reel fishing pole and kissed it. Just holding her new Zebco 88 rod and reel brought tears of joy to her eyes. She absolutely adored it.
“This is the best gift ever! I can’t wait to go fishing in the Gulf!”
“Maybe we can go next weekend,” said Teddy.
Amanda hugged both her parents and thanked them for such a wonderful gift.
“I love my new fishing pole.”
“Great,” said Teddy. “Let’s go fishing next Saturday and break it in.”
Amanda hugged her brother and sister, basking in sublime birthday joy.

***

The next Saturday, Amanda woke up early and ran downstairs to find her mom already in the kitchen packing a picnic basket full of sandwiches and fruit. She added a large thermos jug of pink lemonade while Amanda loaded in snacks like Cheetos and Chips Ahoy cookies. Teddy snuck in a package of Fig Newtons, his all-time favorite cookies. They loaded up their gear into the van, and Teddy hooked the van’s trailer hitch up to his Robalo fishing boat. They headed off before the sun climbed high in the sky and they drove down the Gulf Freeway towards Galveston Island.
When they reached the boat launch at Sea Isle Marina, Teddy backed the trailer down the ramp. Amanda and her younger brother, Walton, helped their dad launch the boat. They motored out of Galveston Bay and eased their way through San Louis pass. When they cleared the bridge and headed into the Gulf, everyone held on tight while Teddy opened her up and raced, full throttle, out into the chocolate brown waves. Once they’d cruised about half a mile offshore Teddy killed the engine, and they got out their fishing gear. Teddy showed Amanda how to tie on a feather-laced, shiny metal lure. Then they all cast their lines out into the waves.
Amanda’s brother was the first to catch a fish that day. Walton’s line went tight, and he held on fast and reeled it in nice and slow. Finally, a ten-pound jackfish floundered and splashed in the waves, as Walton reeled it up to the boat. Teddy reached over the gunnels, netted the fish, and brought it onboard. He dumped the fish on the floorboards and its bright blue body glistened in the sun while its orange underbelly looked smooth, soft, and shiny. They all watched the fish as it tried to suck air through its gills, slowly suffocating until it drew its last breath.
“It’s suffering,” cried Amanda’s older sister, Jewel.
She reached down and stroked the fish’s belly. Amanda felt sad for a moment until her dad picked up the fish and put it into the cooler on ice.
“It can’t feel anything any longer,” said Teddy. “Everything that lives eventually dies. That’s the natural order of things.”
They took their fishing poles and went back to casting their lines in the gulf. Amanda stood quietly in the stern beside her father, staring out at the gulf.
He glanced at her sideways and said, “What’s wrong, pumpkin?”
“I wonder if it really is wrong to kill little creatures like these fish that we catch,” said Amanda.
Teddy sighed.
“If you eat what you kill, it isn’t wrong. Just killing for sport, without eating it is not something I believe in. It isn’t the natural order of things.”
Amanda nodded. She wondered silently about the natural order of things. She wondered if the fish had offspring that would miss them after they were plucked from the sea by fishermen like herself. She felt sad, thinking about the baby fish left behind.
“Daddy?” asked Amanda, softly.
“Yes, sugar?”
“Do you think God will punish us for killing these fish?”
She looked up at her father, certain their actions would warrant the wrath of God. She was very worried, and a frown wrinkled her smooth skin.
Teddy knelt on one knee beside Amanda. He looked in her eyes.
“Listen, sweetheart. God knows what’s in our hearts and minds. He knows we fry these fish and gain nourishment from them. If we say the blessing before our meal and ask God to bless the food to the nourishment of our bodies, he will not be angry with us for killing fish to feed ourselves.”
Amanda still wasn’t satisfied.
“But we could just as easily eat fruits and vegetables, without taking the life of any other creature. It seems wrong to kill other animals, since it isn’t necessary for us to stay alive.”
Teddy put his hand on Amanda’s shoulder.
“You’re a kind-hearted girl. I can see where it may bother you to kill another living creature. But I assure you, that is God’s will. All throughout the Bible, it talks about sacrificial offerings that people make for God, doing his will and receiving his blessing. I’ll be happy to show it to you when we get home.”
“That’s okay, Dad. I believe you.” Amanda reeled her line in slowly. “I don’t feel like fishing any more today.”
Teddy smiled at Amanda. He too reeled in his line then put his rod and reel down on the floorboard.
“Come sit with me a minute.”
Amanda lay down her fishing pole and went to sit on the padded bench in the stern, beside her father.
Teddy cleared his throat.
“Now I know the Bible has a lot of stories and mysteries in it. And there are many things about our Christian faith that don’t make sense to me.”
“Like what, Daddy?”
Amanda eyed her father with an inquisitive gaze.
“Well, like the immaculate conception, for one thing,” said Teddy.
“You mean the holy spirit giving Mary a child?”
“Exactly. I know you understand the way babies are made, with a sperm cell and an egg, then the embryo starts to grow inside the mother’s womb. But without a sperm from the male body, there is no way a physical baby could grow. I just don’t believe a ‘spirit’ could impregnate a woman. It’s not physically possible.”
Amanda smiled.
“But that’s the whole idea of our faith. God became man in Jesus Christ. If you don’t believe that, how can you believe in Christianity?”
“I’ll tell you how,” said Teddy. “I believe in Jesus’ teachings. Namely, Love God. Love yourself. And love your neighbor as you love yourself. Those three things are more important in following the Christian faith, than whether or not a virgin could give birth.”
Amanda smiled. She loved her father and his simple beliefs. He didn’t let his doubts interrupt his faith. He was a good man. A simple man. Amanda decided right then that she should strive to be more like her father. And not question things that don’t make sense.
She glanced up at Teddy, smiling. “Maybe that’s why they call it faith.”
“That’s right,” said Teddy. “And I have complete faith in God’s plan for us. And that includes fishing. And having a fish fry afterwards, where we all enjoy your mom’s fried fish, hush puppies, French fries, and coleslaw. So, what do you say? Want to fish some more, till we each catch at least one fish?”
Teddy held out his hand for Amanda.
“That’s okay. I’ve fished enough.” Watching that fish suffocate saddened her and took the joy out of her birthday fishing pole.
Amanda watched her father as he cast his line and slowly reeled it back in. Although she felt sorry for the fish, she was glad they had shared this little chat about faith. It stuck in her mind as something worth remembering, so she told herself to never forget it. Fifty years from now, she imagined she would look back on this fishing trip and remember her father’s words with a smile. Then she thought of the dying jackfish, and the way life contains so much suffering. In fact, it occurred to her right then that suffering seemed to be the true natural order of things. She wondered what kind of miracle it would take for her, at age sixty, to remember the elation she’d felt on her tenth birthday, the wonderment of youth, and that spontaneous joy of being alive? She gazed out at sea and whispered a prayer for that particular miracle to come true.

Melissa L. White is a screenwriter, novelist, short story writer, and essayist. Her work has been nominated for the Pushcart Prize and Best American Essays. Her screenplay, “Golden Gate Blues,” won BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY at the Marina del Rey Film Festival in June 2024. Her award-winning script about the life and work of female artist, Georgia O’Keeffe, won the GRAND PRIZE – BEST FEATURE SCREENPLAY at the Silicon Beach Film Festival in Sept. 2023. Her LBGTQ+ Rom Com screenplay won 4th Prize in the Writer’s Digest Screenplay Contest 2021. And her essay, “Can AI Learn How it Feels to Cry?” won 2nd Prize in the Writer’s Digest Essay Contest in August 2023.

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'The Natural Order of Things', by Melissa L. White